Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity

Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity, by Lauren F. Winner

This book is not like the normal "Don't have sex before marriage" books. Many times, I find that the authors of those types of books have been good little boys and girls all their lives and while I'm sure they have valid points, their words often come across as repeating a mantra instead of being a warning sign put up by someone who has "been there, done that." This author stands out in that she has done things in her past which she later came to believe were sinful, and boldly confesses what she did and how it affected her life.

Additionally, this book promotes the concept of chastity over purity or virginity. The difference is that virginity is a state of being, which once altered, can never be restored. Chastity, on the other hand, is a lifestyle. Something that is chosen each and every day. Chastity is something that must be constantly on one's mind and maintained.

The author maintains that many of the reasons given by believers (collectively as "the Church") for reserving sex for marriage are actually quite inadequate. She dedicates two whole chapters highlighting the misinformation we have today about sex: lies our culture tells about sex, and lies the church tells about sex.

This book is not an easy read; the author is well educated and it is evident within her writing. The book is gratifying in that she has an expansive vocabulary and she is willing to use it without second-guessing herself, which I feel presents her as she is, without a facade. The book is also organized as if it is a book of philosophy with each chapter building on the foundation laid by the next, so that in the end we are presented with a relatively flawless argument. However, like all philosophy, this book can be argued back and forth when discussed by the right philosopher. I am not argumentative and choose not to channel Descartes in my discussion of this book.

What I find refreshing is that Ms. Winner chooses not to base her argument on the writings of Paul, because of the ambiguity of the translation of the original Greek which is highly debated in many churches. Paul's writings augment her argument, but the foundation lies in the Old Testament and God's vision for what married life should look like, instead of Paul's tendency to promote proper moral behavior with less emphasis on a rightly-ordered sexual life within a spiritual journey. Throughout the book, and specifically in chapter 7, the author discusses the idea of sex within marriage and chastity outside of marriage as a spiritual discipline, which are on the same level as training yourself to do daily devotions, prayer, learning forgiveness or mercy, worship, and fasting.

Another interesting topic is the idea that sex is not a private event. Sex leads to parenthood, which is where the future generation learns to interact with society. It is the basis for all our cultures and societies, therefore everyone has a responsibility to society to make good choices regarding sex and to be held accountable for their actions by those who are affected by the society or culture (everyone). In this way, chastity becomes a civic duty and a lifestyle, in the same way that marriage is viewed communally and as a lifestyle.

I would recommend this book to anyone with questions about the morality of sex, anyone who is tired of "the Church's" pat answers about why sex is wrong, and anyone interested in a look at sexual ethics from an educational, rather than religious, standpoint.